Right, mugs with the school badge on again it is then...

Teenage girls 'Pimped out their classmates' .

And to think they threw me out of Young Enterprise for proposing something similar...

Full Spectrum DomiNews

It's just... it... it has to be a Chris Morris stunt, doesn't it?

Close-up grief - now in full colour!

Have a flick through the front pages of today's newspapers. They all use some old publicity shots of David Cameron with his son Ivan.

All? No, the Daily Mail (which you won't find in that gallery) has gone with a full page shot of David and Samantha Cameron papped in the street on their return from the hospital. It's inside the Telegraph and Times as well, but the Mail have helpfully run it so big you can HAVE A REALLY GOOD LOOK AT HOW PUFFY HER EYES HAVE GONE FROM CRYING!

The paper says inside that "They were pictured by photographers as they walked along their West London street and a Tory aide said there was no objection to the pictures being used."

He's wrong.

And that 96 Tears is a load of rubbish and all, my lover...

Hero of the day is the Mayor of Trowbridge, who appeared in an even-more-cringe-making-than-usual piece on BBC Breakfast this morning. Former punk rocker Hugh Cornwell has - smirk and raised eyebrow to camera - written a song about the not very rock'n'roll subject of - wait for it Bill! - the one-way system in Trowbridge! Ha ha ha! We sent our reporter to the sleepy little town which is simply miles from London to see why Cornwell thinks the place is so awful, and find out what the mayor thinks of the tune.

Cue Councillor John Knight, fully decked out in ceremonial gold chain like - ha! the provincial duffer he surely must be! - listening to the song on an ipod. Earphones out, will he obligingly play his part and say he's disgusted at the nasty punk slagging off his lovely town and maybe say something terribly funny and bumpkinish about bowling greens or a best-kept village competition?

Will he heck. In a broad Wiltshire accent, the Mayor opines: "it's not nearly as good as the stuff he was doing with the Stranglers 25 years ago, izzit?"

Can you spot the ghost?

... in the still from a video printed in this morning's Sun?

A: No, because for some reason the dopey picture editor has screen-capped the wrong bit, as demonstrated by the full footage on the paper's website.

Is this the greatest picture to appear in a national paper ever?

Find out why they look vaguely familiar here.

I blame the banker

Maybe it's just the fact that research for the Private Eye book has me buried very deep in the 1970s at the moment - thanks to the last couple of weeks' reading, I know more about Jim Slater and Eric Miller than any 33-year-old should - but what with bank bail-outs, wildcat strikes and the country falling apart at the slightest hint of weather, everything's gone a bit Life On Mars, hasn't it?

And then Noel Edmonds did this:



And all I could think about was this:



Stock up on tinned goods. It's going to be a long winter.